I was nearly six when my baby sister arrived. For me, it meant a weekday sleepover at my friend Laura's house and a baby living in the empty room at home. I was unaware of impact on my parent's lives - the new responsibility, love, and fear.
For 9th grade, I left my private school and went to public school. Some financial reason was the culprit, but I realized some buddies were headed there too, and was satisfied. I'm certain if you asked my parents how the summer of 1991 treated them, they would recall more details.
I once remember my mother being upset when a friend passed away. However, she still cooked dinner, read me a story, and took me to school. All was well.
The summer of my 15th year, my mom had back surgery. I was away on a trip at the time. I returned home and mom was walking again. No big deal.
When I was 20, my dad had to fly out west to handle the division of his father's estate after his passing. I had not been close to my grandfather and since the trip didn't affect my collegiate activities, this is all I can tell you about it.
When did hardships and tragedies stop being things that happen to our parents and start being things that happen to us? I've become a grown up, and it's hard. All of a sudden it's ME who is out of work and wondering how to keep my kid in school. It's MY friends who are fighting for their lives against cancer. Its MY generation who have to pace waiting room floors while their children undergo operations. It's people MY age who deal with injuries that keep them from emotional and physical happiness. I'M the one who pours over financial documents and then smiles and makes grilled cheese for dinner while singing the ABC song.
I haven't sorted what this means to me, but lately I've realized that things I was always sheltered from are now mine to endure as well. I was duped into thinking "becoming your parents" meant twirling your glasses in that funny way like your dad does (yes, I do this) or scraping your plate with your fork like your mom does (not yet doing this.) I'm starting to clue in that it's so much more than that.
So here I am. No turning back! Onward we press, etc. There is no choice but to embrace the small things that bring me joy (such as Baby Zog), work damn hard to make a happy life for my family, keep positive, and say lots of prayers. I want to be the best grown up I can be, not only for those I love, but for myself. I can do this. I can handle this. I can deal.
Right?
3 comments:
you can totally deal. you are healthy, smart, funny, lovely, and you have a loving support unit to lean on. keep a grip on reality but also on your optimism. there are times i want to tear my hair out, tear my eyes out, tear my heart out, but i always try to remember all of the good things i have that i am grateful for and that helps ease things. that, and new york super fudge chunk.
Wow--I am moved to tears. You are so wise for your young age. I think having kids really puts things into perspective. As a friend said recently about her Easter church service; It Is Friday, but Sunday is Coming! I know I feel like have endured a lot the last few years and it has made me stronger. God does not give you more than you can handle. Just keep that boy in your arms and hug him--that is what makes me feel good!! Enough rambling--great post. Wish we lived closer--I miss you!!
Hugs, Casey
This is so true. And so well put.
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