 |
| Building a pillow fort on Mommy and Daddy's bed. July 2012 |
It’s summer. Son, your fifth one; Baby Girl, only your first. And like a pure scoop of Mint Chocolate Chip, the days are melting away. This week August will be here, bringing with it a new baby cousin for you, a visit from Grandma, a weekend getaway for me and Daddy, the start of a new school year and many unexpected joys and distractions. For me, summer is always the end of the year. Perhaps as the daughter of two academics and now the wife of one as well, I will always think in terms of school years. August is when, as one year winds down, the New Year commences. The date is not firm, but eventually the New Year will begin for me. I can feel that date approaching because I’ve been entertaining an increasing number of thoughts about the year past. Summer is a good time for thinking. Too hot to do anything else, right?
The
closing bookend of summer is how I keep track of the years. Summer of 1996 I
was at home with Grandma and Grandpa and I remember the international crowds in
downtown Atlanta, so that means I must have just ended my first year of college
and the Olympics were in town. Summer of 2005 is when I let the secret slide to
my best friend that Daddy and I were moving to D.C. That conversation took
place in Beaver Creek, CO, so I’ll always remember the year my friend said
“I do” on top of a rain-soaked mountain. See how it works?
Summer
is when I learned to ride a bike, attempted to water ski and realized I could
swim a long way under water. Summer is when I traveled to places like Mackinaw
Island, Saint Simon's Island and France. Summer is when I worked at video
stores, restaurants and two weeks at a department store. Summer is when I
married your Daddy. It is also when I realized it hurt me to be away from him
for long periods of time. Summer is when I thought my baby boy’s birth
would never get here and when I found out he was going to be a big brother.
Summer is when I moved to new apartments, houses, sorority house suites and
states. Summer is also when I’ve gone to work for a new company three times.
And
this is one of the summers where I’ve started a new job. Here’s a snapshot of
right now: It’s 98 degrees outside. Daddy is in his office at the law school,
probably editing a draft of something important he’ll soon have published. The
two of you are playing and learning at a fabulous school that seems to fit our
family like a custom tailored suit and although it is 15 minutes away in the
opposite direction from work, we are thrilled to have found it. We would drive
twice that far. And me? I’m perched at my new desk in my new office. Really,
it’s new. Until they hired me, it was only a conference room.
As
far as marking the past year, this summer concludes my year attempting to be a
stay-at-home mom. Okay, to be fair to myself, I should say it’s the end
of the year I accomplished being a stay-at-home mom. Son, you
might have fleeting memories of the year. Baby Girl, perhaps your dear love of
your brother’s voice can be attributed to the long afternoons you spent during
that year incubating in my belly while listening to him entertain me. For me it
was a year that followed one of the most marked summers ever. In that one
summer, we made a baby, finished a PhD, accepted a job, packed up a house,
taught step-aerobics classes, hired expensive movers, battled morning sickness,
and said goodbye to friends and a beloved town. We signed a lease,
unpacked boxes, treated ourselves to a new rug, memorized a new address,
battled the heat, became a professor, said hello to a new preschool, started
looking for new friends, and found a new hair salon, grocery store and
OBGYN. By the time all of that was done, I was exhausted. Oh, and quite visibly
pregnant. So, I decided to focus my energy at home and not work for someone
else.
The
story of the year that followed – the year that is now ending – is another
story. It’s important for me to document that year and the thoughts and actions
contained within it. It was unlike any other year, but review again the summer
that preceded it! How could the year have escaped unscathed? I’ll share that story
with you, but not today. This is the story of summer. And the summer of 2012
will be the summer Mommy went to work in her new office.
I
am thrilled with my new job. The environment, the work and the people are
ideal. I think we’ve successfully morphed into a dual-income family once again.
We’ve settled into a routine that ensures we are out the door on time each
morning with lunchboxes and diaper bags and prepares us for teeth brushing and
bedtime stories around the same time nightly. In our free time, we’ve
been to the pool, the park, the children’s museum and the beach. Daddy and I
just returned from the first of two mini vacations planned before autumn. (Our
love for each other never seems stronger than when we travel together. We’re
eager to show the world to you two also. )
Personally,
I’ve reached a pivotal point where I feel like myself again. Having a baby is a
transforming experience. Baby Girl, I hope you’ll know for yourself someday. I
suppose that is yet another story to write. Anyway, I’m shedding the
baby-weight and finding my confidence. I’m sleeping deeply and have discovered
a love of indoor cycling classes. I meditate on my lovely, lovely life and
focus on joy and gratitude. I’m finding fulfillment in my work which spills
over into appreciation for my time at home playing super heroes and singing
made-up songs to you. I’m taking calculated steps toward long-lasting
health and daily happiness. And I’m realizing these steps are not selfish for
me as I once thought, but when stripped down to their bare bones, these things
are selfish for us– our family– and that is just fine. Also, I’m finally old
enough to do what is good and honest and not worry about the judgment of anyone
who doesn’t share a last name with me. Oh, how I wish I could gift you that
freedom!
But
I can thank you, my son and baby girl, because you are the impetus for this
summer. You are the both the goal and the reward. When actions taken stem from
what interests you best, it becomes evident what is right. I am continuing to
learn and decipher. I do it while peering through the lens of being your mom.
It works! I’m awe-struck. So, thank you sweet babies for pushing me along
and practicing patience with me. Thank you for summer when things come together
and mark both the end and the beginning. Thank you for this summer when
my boy is learning to swim and eat turkey and count without skipping 15 and my
baby girl is learning to grab a toy and sit unassisted and sing along with her
daddy. This is the summer when Mommy went to work in her new office because
everything else was just right.
