So here's a little story. Daddy Zog and I attended a Murder Mystery Party last night that required us to dress like our assigned characters. This particular Murder Mystery was set in a trailer park, and so in keeping with the theme, I was supposed to be a sexy, scandalous tattoo artist and Daddy Zog was supposed to be a redneck, hippie, pot-smokin', musician just waiting for his big break.
We planned ahead and asked the babysitter to arrive a bit early so she could handle dinner for Big Boy Zog while we completed our transformations into Bonnie Sue Montana and Jamie Moon.
What we failed to plan for was BBZ's reaction to his parents in costume. "Daddy look silly. Mommy scare me," he said in awe. Daddy's wig was indeed silly and although you can't tell in this photo, Mommy DID apply three week's worth of makeup to accompany her big hair and black nail polish. Also not visible in this photo are the enormous tattoo on my back and the smaller ones on my legs. Basically he was a little freaked out, so after my three requests for a bye-bye hug were denied, I relented, telling him I'd see him in the morning when I was looking like Mommy again.
The conclusion to this story reminds me that my son is growing up before my eyes and that his mind and heart are growing just as fast as his hands and limbs. We returned home later that night (neither of us ended up being the murderer - whew!) expecting the usual report from the babysitter. "I almost sent you a text as you were leaving," she said. Assuming something traumatic had happened, I listened to her explain that my sweet boy apparently felt enormous guilt over not having hugged me goodbye. He was waiting for me to come back and finish the "game" and give him a hug. "I need to hug my Mommy," he said over and over to our wonderful sitter who ran to the garage to try and catch us only to see our taillights zooming away from the house. Then he progressed to, "I'm bad. Mommy no scare me. I need to hug my Mommy." Eventually, she felt confident she'd convinced him that he was not bad for being scared and that Mommy would give him a big hug first thing in the morning.
Yes, at this point, my heart was broken and I considered running up to his room and waking him with a super hug, but then I remembered that I was still dressed as Bonnie Sue and taking that action might just scar my little man for life.
This morning, I bolted to his room the second I heard him stir and was greeted with, "Oh hi Mommy. You came back! You no scare me" followed by the best hug I've ever had.
So, I learned a few things last night.
1) For this small boy, Daddy Zog and I represent his sense of "normal" and any deviation from this should probably be proceeded by some discussion and preparation. Oops.
2) He is old enough to feel guilt and shame, but not old enough to know when it's warranted. That makes me feel very aware and very determined to make sure we always talk about his feelings with him.
3) He has learned to judge people by the way they look. Hmmm.....this could be both good and not so good.
4) There is a lesson to be learned in nearly every situation. Last night's lesson: If you don't speak up, there may not always be another chance later. Even for a hug.
This morning, everything returned to normal. Lots of hugging, playing and laughing. And plenty of BBZ being opinionated and bossy, "Mommy, your fingers are black. I don't like it. I like pink. Take away the black." And so this morning's lesson was all about how fingernail polish remover works. Some lessons are easier learned than others, but all are important!
